Sometimes shit on the web gets truely fucked up! Well its hilarious though.

Every single blog on the web kept talking about Yahoo’s top searches for 2008. First of all, why make a big buzz about this? Do you know what Yahoo’s market share is? 10.47%! So, these stats aren’t even close to representing most of us.

And everyone is like worshiping Britney Spears because she was the top searched term for seven out of eight years. Well why wouldn’t she? She’s just so entertaining to watch. She’s like a monkey on crack. No offense, but I’m just saying.

When was the last time you saw someone using Yahoo’s search instead of Google? (Well its sad, but everyone uses Google.) Okay so what about the 10% market share? Who are they then? What kind of idiots are they? Which year do they think they’re living in?

Lets take a look at the 10 searches:

1. Britney Spears
2. WWE - Who the fuck still watches this shit?
3. Barack Obama
4. Miley Cyrus – Looking for her naked pictures?
5. RuneScape
6. Jessica Alba
7. Naruto – Is this the Asian anime porn?
8. Lindsay Lohan – People are still into her? WTF?
9. Angelina Jolie – She has the body of man! OMG!
10. American Idol

This top search result thing tells us a lot about Yahoo users, doesn’t it? I’m guessing most of them are (semi) computer-retarded, horny, lame teens and/or hilly billies. But, this is just my guess.

You wanna take a guess at what kinda people use Yahoo? Do that by dropping a comment and after that go listen to some Britney Spears while shopping for a purse.

Oh look what I found. Google’s CAPTCHA doesn’t work properly. Wait. Do you think I’m joking? Do you? Well I’m gonna prove it!

Okay head over to www.google.com/addurl and enter a random URL. But, don’t enter the CAPTCHA correctly. Just type something random there. What do you get? Well I get this message:

Thank you

Your site URL has been successfully added to our list of URLs to crawl. Please note that we do not add all submitted URLs to our index, and we cannot make any predictions or guarantees about when or if they will appear.

Can they not afford a decent programmer? Damn! What kind of lazy (and dumb) bastards are they hiring? See that’s why you shouldn’t treat your employees like a king. Don’t give them toys, free food and other luxuries. Make them work their ass off!

I’m sure this is how the conversation about the CAPTCHA over at Google went:

Manager (or whatever they call the guy): Are the captures working?

Programmer: Yes they are. I just finished making them yesterday. They are the best CAPTCHAs on the web.

Manager: Good! Google must have the best of everything! May I test it?

Programmer: Sure. Just enter the letters you see in the picture.

Manager: Good. It works perfect. You can go play with everyone now.

Dude you gotta try it the other way too! Enter a wrong CAPTCHA. Oh man, this is just hilarious. Well Google I work freelance and I’m free right now. Feel free to drop me an email. I can fix that for you guys. Ha! You wish. I was joking. I’m not helping you guys.

Okay spammers its your time to have some fun with the big G. Big G? What’s it stand for again? Gangsta? More like ghetto right now. Oh well. Let me know if you did anything big.

Update: I just tried to contact Matt Cutts, Google’s head of webspam by commenting on his blog. I just wanted to tell him about this and I found something interesting (once again!). Mr Cutts has built is own custom spam protection. It asked me what the sum of 10 + 6 and I entered 16. It said I was wrong. (Hmm the head of spam can’t build a working spam protection.)

Update again: Okay the spam protection finally worked and I could leave the comment on his blog. Well he deleted my comment. I guess he was too ashamed of his and Google’s epic failure at making a simple CAPTCHA.

Update #3: Matt Cutts is saying that they do this on purpose. But, when I asked him why they do this he didn’t have an answer. Very convincing I must say. I wonder if he’s just saying because he doesn’t want him and Google to look like a total loser. Hmm?

Sorry don’t mean to ruin it for them, but there are bots that can read and enter CAPTCHAs. So, people who make a mistake while entering the CAPTCHA is considered a bot? And their submission is just thrown away? And the bots that can correctly enter the CAPTCHA gets added to the list? What a brilliant idea!

I wonder if I’ll find the CAPTCHA working correctly if I go there next week (or when we all forget about this). I’m thinking yes.

Update #4: This was submitted to Digg and it was going pretty good. It was second in Industry New’s upcoming with most diggs. But, suddenly it just went poof! It got buried. How is that possible? Just like that? And it was only 1 bury that buried the whole story. Was it by a moderator?

Do you think Google contacted Digg and told them to make sure that this doesn’t go front page? Or is this some kind of Digg censorship? I’ve heard stories of Digg censoring things out. Oh and Google is also dropping me from SERPs. Do a Google search for webrampage and you’ll see. Coincidence?

There’s going to be some (semi) funny shit here. I’ll be going around, randomly talking with different hosts and see how they react to my questions and the things I say. Sounds awesome, huh? Yay! Lets do it!

BTW, these are real live chats. I didn’t modify them (except for taking out the unnecessary crap).

1. PowWeb

The hosting industry’s leading overseller with <sarcasm>a great support team</sarcasm> and the best sales reps (who can really lie). Take a look at the chat I had with their sales people (they know what they’re talking about).

Me: How can you provide unlimited space?
Virgil Shaw: It is decided by our Product Management team. <WTF?>
Me: No I mean. Its not possible for servers. There is a limit, right
Virgil Shaw: Yes, it is possible. <Woah breaking news!>
Me: Oh ok. Do you guys oversell?
Virgil Shaw: No. <How do they provide unlimited space then?>
Me: Oh ok. Do you guys suspend accounts for using too much space or having too many files?
Virgil Shaw: No.
Virgil Shaw: Is there anything else I can assist you with today?
Me: No. Thank you. You answered my questions. Powweb doesn’t oversell, your servers have unlimited space and you won’t suspend accounts.

Man these guys are great! They are the first host in the world to come up with servers that have unlimited space. Just amazing. How did they do that? Some kind of alien technology I guess (Area51 Sector-Powweb). They don’t even oversell. Well why would they need to oversell when their servers *really* have unlimited space.

2. BlueHost

Hmm BlueHost does not oversell. They have some crazy configuration on their server that allows them to provide unlimited space without overselling. How cool is that? They’ve also got a really courteous sales rep, Ann A. (she never closes the chat without asking if all questions were answered).

Me: How can you offer unlimited space?
Ann A.: Hi! We have several hard drives per server. the space is dynamically allocated between accounts. larger accounts share the server the server with less users than smaller accounts. <Oh really? Wow. So smart!>
Me: No I mean. Its not possible to give unlimited space. At least for $7
Me: Do you guys do overselling?
Ann A.: We are simply saying we won’t charge additional for extra bandwidth or storage used but it does have to be used in a responsible manner. We do not oversell. <Don’t lie to us! Frigin overseller!>
Me: Oh ok. So you do not oversell. Good to know that
Me: How much space and bandwidth falls under responsible manner? <An excellent question!>
Ann A.: Our cpu limit is 35% CPU for 30 seconds and we have a 20 concurrent process/connection limit. As long as the limits are not exceeded, there’s not limit for the amount of space and bandwith used. <Bit smarter than PowWeb’s rep.>
Me: Ok. Are you sure Bluehost doesnt oversell?
Ann A.: Yes, I’m sure.
Ann A.: Obviously, most customers do not come close to use the amount of space available. For those that do use the space available, they are moved to a server that is shared with less users, so the space that promised to them in their hosting package is available. <That IS overselling>
Me: Ok ok. So you guys don’t oversell <I smell a big fat lie>
Me: If we get closed because of using too much space. My friend will refer to you and take legal action against you, personally. <Lets freak her out>
Ann A.: ok, i understand. thank you! <How rude! Closed the chat right away. Nice sales rep, BlueHost>

These sales reps are awesome! Saying whatever they need to say to make you buy a hosting package. These guys are the teller marketers on the web. They lie just as much (maybe a bit more), they’re just as desperate, but they’re not as annoying as those teller marketers.

I hope you guys found it very educational. And don’t believe whatever those sales people tell you. You know why, right?

More like this coming up soon (that’s right!). And if you have anything like this then email me (I’ll credit you). Don’t forget to drop a comment and tell us what you thought of this.